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My absence from blogging

Hey, Hi, Hello! Welcome Back, Thank you for being here and reading this lil blog post.

It’s just a short and sweet one; I want to get back into writing blog posts regularly, however, feel I should address the long ol’ silence there’s been.

Life.

That’s why I’ve been quiet. Life.

I don’t really need to say more do I? But I will, because I quite like talking to you!

2020. I really like the number, it’s a good looking, rolls off of the tongue, even kind of number. I really liked this number. I had high hopes for this year. Because it really is such a good number.

But, as I’m sure you’re aware, unless you’re not and well then, hold on to your hat because… 2020 has actually been a shit show.

There was, still is, a pandemic. Like, an actual real life pandemic. There were times when I genuinely felt like I was in one of those end of the world, zombie apocalypse film; I’d go to work, there would be barely any other cars around, a tumble weed may as well had blown by! At other times, I’d be queueing to get into the store to buy my groceries and necessities, like loo roll (let’s not go there!) and I’d be overwhelmed with emotion, quite literally holding back tears because This. Is. Unreal.

But it is. It is and has been real and that is scary.

I’m like 99.9% certain I’ve had it, but this was right at the beginning of it all, like late March maybe, before they were testing people. But, this blog isn’t about my experience of Covid-19. It wasn’t supposed to be about Covid-19 at all.

But, neither was this year. I had high hopes and expectations for this year. It screwed me over.

This year has been full of mental and physical illness for me and my family. There has been surgeries, depression, radiotherapy, anxiety, chemotherapy, psychosis, panic attacks.

Life has been hard this year. Living day to day. Managing overwhelming emotions. Lock down. Working in a mental health hospital. Following the rules. Wearing masks. Getting tested. Worrying about loved ones. Worrying about the patients I work with. Worrying about my colleagues.


Change.

This year has been full of change. Uncontrollable and unexpected change. Probably the most difficult kind of change for even the most flexible of people. I’m not really the most flexible of people, particularly when I’m stressed, I like to feel in control and this year, I have not.

But, there have been some really really good moments this year: Pregnancy (not mine!), anniversaries, dreams becoming realities in the shape of a plant shop, booking our wedding, completing my first year as a qualified mental health nurse, accepting a secondment to a community team (with a pay rise to Band6!), hell, hitting 20k followers on Instagram!!! Getting some wish list plants, developing gratitude for the everyday things, radical acceptance of things that can’t be changed, but my goodness I want them to be different, accepting that they can not and never will be is hard and radical acceptance is something I will continue to practice doing, but this year has really blinking helped me with learning this skill. This year my overall self-confidence, self-worth and self-love has gone up. I’m writing a book for heaven’s sake! A book! Who’d have thunk it?! I never imagined anyone would be interested in what I have to say.

So yeah, this year has been horrid, I do not want next year to be a repeat of it. But there have been some good moments and I really want to hold on to those. So that when I think back to this year, it’s not a year of memories surrounded by black cloud and a heavy weight, there have been many moments of light and happiness.

And, I’m so very excited for next year!

Who knows what 2021 will hold, a vaccine for sure, hopefully the return of the old normal?! I’ll meet my new (currently unborn) nephew, I’m going to be a band 6 mental health nurse, working in the community, we’re planning our wedding and as of September 2021 I’ll be a wife! I’ll have a husband, me! (I cannot wait!). I may even become a published author?! We have big plans for the shop and its expansion; I am going part time in my nursing career to put more time and energy into the shop, Steve’s also going part time! We are so passionate about this project of ours.

Wow. 2021. I’m here for you! For the love of plants, do not let me down!


Love,

A sleep deprived mental health nurse currently working night shifts, xoxo




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